1st of the Year Recommended Read: Primal by Mark Batterson

New Years is approaching, resolutions are being made. The first resolution you can make is to read Primal by Mark Batterson

This book is a MUST read for all Christians...especially for those tired of the status quo of the Christian church.

This book starts off taking us from the catacombs in Rome of the Primal beginnings of Christianity and continues on the journey of Primal Christianity in a modern context.

In the quest of the lost soul of Christianity Batterson writes that we're not great at the Great Commandment, Mark 12:30 says Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'

The book walks us through the exploration and rediscovery of Primal Christianity, on a personal level to help readers rediscover their primal faith, and to pinpoint the moment they encountered God felt a sense of awe, wonder, curiosity, and compassion.

Batterson talks about the heart of Christianity & compassion, the drop in the bucket effect, the soul of Christianity and how wonder is involved in seeing with our souls. He also talks about having a holy curiosity, a God idea, and the importance of sweat equity.

I could go and list EVERYTHING that I've gotten out of the book, but there's not enough time to write it, not to mention you wouldn't go read it!

I will say this.

You MUST start off 2010 by reading this book. It's an absolute MUST. For those looking to redefine what it means to love God, and to allow God's reformation in your own life...this book is an ABSOLUTE MUST.

I am about to give my copy of this book to my mother (who steals all my books anyhow from time to time) and BUY a copy, it was THAT GOOD. A Life changing book (and i don't say that about many books...there are only two other books I've said that about...and one of them is the bible...so what does that say about it?)

GO GET THIS BOOK! You won't regret it, it'll be the best $18 you ever spent!

America The Beautiful?

This Tiger Woods thing has really made me realize where our priorities lay, as Americans. That's all the media can cover.

Some might say "Oh, I wish the media would stop covering it."

TURN IT OFF! Let the media know what you REALLY want to see. Because according to them, this is what we want to see.

We spend so much time and money (I'm guilty of this too) helping CELEBRITIES/Entertainers get rich, what do they do for us? Beyond make us laugh...NOTHING!

our priorities are MISPLACED! Especially with CHRISTmas. Yea I said it, it's CHRISTmas...all about CHRIST...not about you getting presents. Remember the TRUE reason we celebrate Christ's birth...because Christ was born to save a dying humanity...He DIED so we can live.

health care reform is being debated on the Senate floor this week, more troops are being sent to Afghanistan...do you even care?
Kids right here in America don't have families, other kids are starving, being abused, do we even care?

Inner city kids can't even get a quality education, graduation rates are lower than their suburban counterparts...do we even care?

Some of us do. Most of us don't.

We're too busy accumulating wealth. We're chasing material things. We're staying in school to get a doctorate degree to pay off student loans, to take care of our families, send our kids to private schools, is this what America is supposed to be about? Land of the free? Home of the brave?

How brave are we, really? How free are we, trapped in the throes of consumerism of Christmas...trying to keep up with the Joneses. When Christ said He came so that we might have life, and have it more abundantly, I'm pretty sure that wasn't what He was talking about.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to take care of yourself, and your family. Nothing wrong with an education. What happened to loving our neighbors as ourselves? What happened to helping someone ELSE'S kid go to school? Feeding someone else's kids? We're going into debt, for what? to say we had a good life full of all the things we wanted? nice house, 2.5 kids, white picket fence, nice cars, etc. But question is, can we take any of that with us?

Life is not about what we GET. Not about the material things that we accumulate. Life is really what we GIVE. And what we leave behind.

When you are gone, what will people say about you? Will they say that you lived a nice life, full of things, but didn't leave anything behind to your kids? I'm not talking about material things...I'm talking about a LEGACY.

I want to leave behind a LEGACY. I want my life to be about MORE than me. I want to give and give and give like I will NEVER run out. Why? Because I know whose I am. I serve a God who WON'T run out. If I give, God will multiply it. That's how great He is.


Let's live a life that is LARGER than us. Let's dream a dream that is BEYOND our comprehension, a dream of a better world, leaving it a better place for the next generation to maintain and cultivate and improve upon. Let's leave something for them to build upon. Let's not live in fear, fear that we won't have enough. Truth is, the more you hold back, the more YOU lose. The more the WORLD uses. Think one person can't change the world? MLK didn't' say that. FDR didn't say that. JFK didn't say that either.

Let us TRULY live bravely by GIVING FREELY. Let's not get so caught up on celebrities that we neglect our neighbors.WHO CARES if Tiger cheated on his wife? Let them work it out! Let's remember what our nation was founded on...We hold these truths to be self evident, that ALL MEN were created EQUAL...have we forgotten those words? Are they just words on a page to you, or do they even hold any weight in our lives?

Let's make America beautiful again.

Follow Through

I'm learning that consistency is necessary to our lives...how can we expect to be successful if we have a lack of consistency?

Nothing comes overnight...it happens over time. How can you expect to get good graces when you don't consistently study? (yes, I'm preaching to myself on this one!)

As you can tell, writing is my first true love! whether it's writing poetry, blogs, in my journal, short stories, whatever...writing is what I do! I love words! Give me a good book and it gives me life! My pastor is SO gifted at putting things in the right manner and making complicated things sound so simple all because of his WORDS...so yes I love praise and worship and good music with powerful lyrics but give me good MEANINGFUL sermons any day!

Anyway...so like I said, writing is what I do...and people who know me know that I should have put out a book a LONG time ago...but what stopped me? Two things...fear and lack of consistency/effort.

I wanted to turn out a best selling book writing only every now and then. I gave up numerous times,saying that I wasn't cut out for this.

Right now, I'm in the midst of writing and this time I have a tag team partner who's also writing as well...we're pushing each other to be consistent!

This will be a short entry because I just wanted to get this out and to encourage someone else...have you given up on a dream of yours? And I mean the dreams you're afraid to admit to everyone else...not the "practical" plans that you've told the world that you were doing.

Don't give up! Dont let those dreams be those things you carry with you to the grave. You have TOO much to offer the world, you know what God has gifted you with! I'm encouraging everyone to follow through...you will find that those times you feel as if you cannot, God can and will. Learn to follow through...because when you cannot see how it's going to end, God often shows up in these periods of uncertainty and pulls off the impossible.

Rambling from a weary graduating senior

I wish I could put into words everything that is running thru my mind right now. I know that sounds crazy, but it's how I feel! if this blog is all over the place, it's only a reflection of my current state of mind. However, don't be alarmed...God's got me.

So our pastor wants us to be involved in at least one ministry at church. The one ministry I had been wanting to do since August (dance ministry), that door has been shut for now. I don't know how to feel about it. I like to dance. I don't have the resources (time/money) to do dance ministry.

School is going. I have a pretty low grade in a class that is not required for my major but certainly counts towards my elective credits for my degree. I'm 3 weeks away from the end of the semester, and that brings me so much joy! Upon receipt of getting my grades, I'm organizing a pre-graduation celebration! lol. I'm so serious! This was my hard semester...all I'll have to do next semester is maintain!

My ministry internship I just accepted, I had no idea where to start. I'm not as active as I would like to be on campus, and I don't have alot of friends who just want to up and start a campus ministry with me. I'm praying God sends some people my way. I have a vision of what I would like to see on campus in a ministry, but I don't know how to carry it out.

I've had some opportunities presented to me that I never even thought would come about. Some exciting ones at that! We'll see what becomes of them...

ASB isn't happening like it used to in 2010. It was a good three year run for me, but I'll actually be in town for my 24th bday, haven't been in town for my bday since I turned 20. I'm a little sad but three years doing ASB was a blessing.

My money is real funny right now. No really. I'm overdrawn and I can't do much about it. Had to reschedule my drivers test, that is postponed til December 5th...for now...

There's so much that is going on in my life that is out of my control. I can't do anything, my hands are tied, all I can do is trust God. I mean what else can you do when everything seems to be spiraling out of control but not really?

When I say that, I mean there's just so much going on in life that I can't do a thing about! I choose not to stress over it, because it's not all bad. I'm really truly blessed in all actuality. Beyond the one class I'm not doing good in, school is fine actually. Me and my babe are best friends, like two peas in a pod, and doing really good!

What a difference a year makes in so many ways...this time last year I HAD to be out doing something all the time. I HAD to be out, I HATED being at home by myself. But funny...this year? Complete opposite. The more comfortable you are with the skin you're in, the more you dont mind spending time with your #1 star player...yourself...

The closer I get to graduation, the more I can't see myself doing anything but going to seminary. I'm very much at peace with that right now...we'll see how I feel once I actually put that application in the mail. LOL. but no really...I can't see myself anywhere else. Is that scary? Sometimes. But I'm appreciative of the church I belong to...my pastor really instills the importance of education, and his passion for teaching sound doctrine and reaching the lost thru non-traditional ministry has influenced me greatly, made me realize I want to do the same! Thats a big deal, considering that before I came to this church, I wanted NOTHING to do with ministry...so yes, thats a testimony!

There's just alot going on in my life but honestly? Beyond wondering what the heck is going on, I'm actually in a great mood, I'm HAPPY. I think sometimes it's good not to know all the answers. It requires me to trust in God a little more and rely on myself a LOT less.

God is So good, and I thank God for the sunshine thru the clouds in my life. I'm not always productive, and I've made some mistakes but I know that God wastes NOTHING. He's the only one that can turn my giant jumble I call life into something amazingly beautiful...it'll most certainly be my testimony...

So I'm doing what God is leading me to do for now...finish school out strong, do the best that I can (and leave the rest to Him)...getting ready to apply to seminary...and the rest? Yeah, God will lead me on what to do with everything else. He is faithful and can do anything but fail. Sorry if some of this is repetitive, I wrote this post in stages! lol.

Grace=Freedom=A Changed Life

I don't think I've EVER felt this free in my life...EVER. And I'm just in awe of God for that!

2009 has just been...wow...a year of EXTREME growth and changes in my life...and I'm thankful.

2009, well you can say it's been two things.

2009=A Year of Grace
2009=Continued Learning and Growth.

But moreso the first one.

I've made ALOT of mistakes this year. Listened to people I shouldn't have listened to. Fell into some things that I should have avoided altogether. Relied on my own strength and talents.

But then a funny thing happened.

Instead of picking myself up? I stayed down.

When you feel distant from God, who moved? God didn't!

Christianity had [at times] become a list of dos and don'ts. A list of laws basically. And honestly? This year I kind of became sick of being a Christian. I became sick of even being associated with them at times. Why?
Because at times, Christians think too highly of themselves. Some are so "holier than thou" that it makes the rest of us nervous like we can never live up to that.

I was no longer serving the Lord with Gladness. Instead I was dreading it, because I felt like being a Christian was too hard, like it was a bunch of rules and standards I could never attain or live up to.

The seminary visit had a profound effect on my life. My life is changed, seriously. Not just because of it, but I don't look at things the same. Right before my visit, I was stressing out about alot of things. I didn't know where or what I wanted to do after graduation, and i was just a mess in alot of ways.

I totally trusted God in visiting the seminary. I wasn't going to visit, actually...but a gentle nudge from the Holy Spirit (after I REFUSED to go, claiming it didn't make sense to visit a seminary I'd never heard of in VA of all states lol) had me booking a flight to Richmond...and wow, I learned so much about myself, about God, about others...I came home with a different outlook. I absolutely fell in love with that place and will consider myself extremely blessed if I get to attend next year!

But enough of that...I've been learning about the concept of grace. It has radically changed my life in ways I cannot explain. Grace came and changed me, and in turn, I'm much more gracious towards other. When you are aware of God's grace towards you, it makes you that much more gracious towards others. Then people are often the most authentic around you when they know grace is involved.

God's grace towards me has also tied in with the realized FREEDOM in my life. Where the spirit of the Lord is, indeed, there is liberty. (2 Cor 3:17)

I'd grown up in a rather legalistic way of looking at Christianity, that God will bless you if you keep His commandments. So I spent so much time obsessing over every little thing, wondering if my sin was the reason why I didn't have a car or everything I needed. Suddenly, I didn't see any benefit to being a Christian. I was really almost in a faith crisis, questioning so many things and just becoming cynical about things! God's grace came and rescued me on that visit. Not a sermon or a prayer. But coming in contact with some people who loved Christ that weren't legalistic set me free.

(btw, my church was and is still awesome, they were not to blame AT ALL!)

I have found that the call to ministry that God placed on my life was not restricting, but rather liberating. I felt that I could be me and be called to ministry. I didn't feel as if I had to completely change myself to be a "good" Christian or to answer the call on my life.

Instead, santification is a process. It's not something that happens instantly. It's not the result of anything that WE do. If it was, we wouldn't need saving, now would we? I am determined to walk in confidence, with my head held high, and instead of DOING, I'm learning to just BE. Grace allows me room to do that. And in that, I am FREE.

Days for Discernment

I came to Union-PSCE not knowing what to expect. I was extremely nervous and extremely excited all at once! I was excited about coming to Richmond and getting away for a few days especially with all that had happened at home with my family and the job interview and the failed driving test.
Coming here has been one of THE highlights of this year. PERIOD.
I came here expecting to learn more about Union, and though that did occur, I learned a great deal about myself more than anything else.
The hospitality has been AMAZING. Everyone, from the current students to faculty, and even the seminary president, has been nothing but welcoming and made us feel welcome.
I can definitely feel the sense of community and how very much connected everyone is, and that’s very important for me. The community is a mix of people who all end up on the same page, and have the same spirit, even though they are very different!
I felt a little awkward at first considering seminary because I knew I didn’t want to be a pastor. I have kind of been raised in the mind that God’s will is inevitable, and that you almost have no choice. But I’m finding that is not the case. God gives us a heart, a burden almost, for what we want to do and equips us for the very work that we are called to do. That has been a recurring theme during my visit at Union and that has been a relief to know, that at the intersection of our faith and passions lie our call, and if we take time out to discern, God will surely guide us through the process.
I’ve enjoyed my time at Union immensely, and I’m not 100% positive God is calling me to Union but I’m definitely willing to step out on faith just as I did with coming down here, trusting Him and seeing how it all goes. I have laughed almost non-stop here, and enjoyed the other three girls-Natima from Richmond, Allysen from UNC-Chapel Hill/High Point NC, and Alex from Davidson College/Chappaqua, NY…they are all very sweet and I don’t think it would have been the same if there would have been more people here or different people…the four of us got along very easily and have thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. It’s like we would fit right in here if we decided to come.
I spoke with the director of admissions and the seminary president who both seem very committed to expanding the amount of denominational, regional, and racial diversity here, and I would love to be part of an increasingly diverse school. I appreciate the differences…I actually liked compline, which was a worship service with hymns, call and response…chapel was more of the same and I didn’t mind it at all. I love the richness and how sacred the bible is and how central it is to Presbyterian tradition. I have a really healthy respect for it, and even admire it…it is totally different from my charismatic upbringing in a non-denominational setting and I really like the differences. Not enough to become a Presbyterian though, but I feel that if I were to come here and finish with an M. Div degree, it would give me a different kind of perspective and even more of a depth to me theologically, expand my thinking and my horizons in ways I can’t even imagine, as a college senior currently considering seminary.
In soooo many ways, I feel called to ministry. To change how things have been done. Not sure what aspect-I’ve told the people here about my desire to work with inner city non profits but honestly there’s no telling what could happen. If anything, this seminary visit helped to open me up to new possibilities and new avenues of thinking, and I’m excited about that. I really feel as if the sky would be the limit if I came here, the sky and beyond! I feel sooooo secure and at peace even though rationally I can’t wrap my brain around leaving Cleveland next year and making such a big move or even going to seminary…feel like my gifting and passions could be used in so many different contexts…so we will see what God does. I will just really do my best to continue to discern and listen for God’s voice in all of this.

Building Your Faith

One thing I love and enjoy about my sweetie is our similar passion to build people up, to encourage people. We both love to encourage and be there for people, listen to them and sometimes even try and fix things or give words of wisdom. We have big hearts, but we also face a little frustration as well, dealing with people who come to us.

We talked about how people come to us about the same problems over and over and over...until I thought of an awesome real life, PRACTICAL example.

Habitat for Humanity is a wonderful Christian non-profit ministry focused on building houses for people in need of decent shelter. But they do not simply build houses and then GIVE them away. Nooo.

They require a certain number of hours of WORK to be put in by the future homeowners and require them to pay monthly mortgage payments and a downpayment, which helps Habitat to continue to build new houses for other families. So in other words, they require the homeowners take OWNERSHIP and INVEST in their new home by helping to BUILD their home. It's almost fact that people appreciate things more when they play an active role in it as opposed to someone giving it to them. You definitely appreciate things more when you work for it!

Not only do they require the homeowners to take OWNERSHIP and INVEST, but they also GIVE BACK to the very same organization that helped them to get that house through paying their mortgage to Habitat. So they are taught to invest and then reinvest in others. They are blessed to be a blessing.

I say all of this to say, it is almost USELESS to build someone else's faith up over time if they are not building it up as well. We should ALL be reading the Word to build ourselves up in faith, and not just simply relying on our pastors or those around us to build up our faith without us having a role in it! This is an ACTIVE FAITH, where our PARTICIPATION is required. This is not passive growth, like plants, who just need water to grow. No no, we MUST play a part in building ourselves up, we MUST learn to encourage ourselves and to build our faith! We cannot simply just go to church and be spoonfed and call up elders/pastors/friends stronger in the faith whenever we are going through something. It is okay every now and then to do that, but at some point you MUST learn to get past that stage and mature in your walk with Christ!

For those stronger in your faith (because we ALL have a measure of faith-Romans 12:6, some of us more than others), build up/edify your brothers and sisters in Christ but also encourage them to build up their own faith as well.

Ok I think that is all for now. lol. I'll have a more normal post next time, I'll try! lol

Actually making it in bed before 1am: SHOCKER! yes for me that is rare, but it needs to become habit! I need my sleep!

But before my head hits the pillow, I stumbled upon some pictures of my brother and his son. Stirred up some feelings that I didn't really wanna have. I kinda wanted to write about it for a minute.

To my brother:
I think I've started to accept reality. You know, the one without you in it.
I used to think that maybe one day, you'd want to be a big brother. Honestly, I don't even take it personal anymore. You care, but you have a funny way of showing it. No need for me to waste my time in calling and everything when your actions show differently. you are still my brother, nothin will ever change that. When you want to be in me and my sisters lives, cool. If not, then I'm not gonna sweat it. Of course it hurts, that my only brother doesn't keep in touch or care, or that I have a nephew that I've never met. But that is life, huh? Love you, and if you ever decide you want to be apart of my life, I'll be here. But if not...well...your loss.

love, lil sis, Dei.

Ready for the PROMISE!

a blog that is DEFINITELY confirmation in my life right now :

As we stand in line at 'The Bank' ready to cash in our Wilderness for our Walk across the Jordan, we can barely comprehend the exchange taking place. A separation from the old pattern of doing things, somehow integrates with the new way, of how things will be done...
It is a place of eager anticipation, release and acceptance. For even if we can't swim,there is the longing to jump into Our Jordan and somehow navigate to the other side... But down deep, grafted in our spirits is the lesson of The Wilderness... The reminder that mere emotions can lead us astray. Reminding us that it is The road map of The WORD that keeps us purpose-filled, focused and on track. It was the re-shaping of our will that has brought us to this cross-over, called The Bank... It is at The Bank where transactions of Pain-Staking Investment, Heart Breaking Sacrifice and Purpose Rendering Pressures are cashed in for The Promises of God. It is here, we remember our Deuteronomy 29:5 testimony of somehow, always having shoes, clothes, lights gas and transportation that never got old, went off and seemed to make it...
When you put the pedal to the metal of your mind, you realize the average man/woman would not even be standing here... had not GOD kept us

Now there is a multitude behind us and the possibility of drowning, before us. With non-negotiable convictions we realize that it isn't our ability to walk, that will carry us across. No! It is observation of and obedience to the voice we have been hearing over our 40 year old journey... It is the word written and prophesied that will cause the flow of our doubts, worries and fears to part as we step out on the solid, dry groundings of our faith. It is our arms lifted as we shoulder the covenant that arcs us in relationship with OUR FATHER.

"Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you."
Joshua 3:5

Gotta love social networking, Good and Bad!

The people in your life is a DIRECT reflection of what YOU think of YOURSELF .. So look around!! That's who YOU are??.. Switch it UP!!

This quote is SOOOOO true! Got it off twitter (and no I'm not posting my twitter link lol) courtesy of Tyrese, the singer lol.
I can look around @ the people in my life and all of their drama, mistakes, etc...like I say all the time, we all make mistakes, bad decisions, etc...but question is...how do they handle it? Do they take responsibility for it and do what they have to do to rectify it? Or do they sit there and wallow in it?

That quote right there in itself, is enough to make me wanna shrink my inner circle again. I'm finding that my babe, even when we go thru our issues, is still my VERY best friend. Outside of family, nobody really gets me like he does! (well except for my boy Mark, my girl Teresa, and a few others!) There are days where I just don't understand or get people. I recently had one of those days, and I almost blogged about it...but for what? Sometimes you just gotta laugh at ignorance, pray they become enlightened and grow up/mature...and keep it movin!

People, STOP WITH THE MESS ON FB! What was ur life like before Facebook? You didnt' go BLASTING ppl on FB, calling them out their name or being super negative...so act like it! Doing that is cowardly anyways! Some ppl on FB with negative statuses ALL THE TIME (cause I know some of us vent occasionally)...FB is telling us who they REALLY are! U can meet someone in person and then add them as a friend on FB and find out that they are like that...I'm ready to cut some ppl out of my life becuz it's too much MESS for me! I like PEACE, I like chillin with positive people who are ABOUT SOMETHING! It's good to take care of business, but u aint gotta announce it to the whole world! And the people constantly talking about their haters on FB probably just discovered that they have haters...the rest of us been had them, we just don't announce it...why give them any attention? That's stupid..sheesh!

Social Networking DOES have it's perks! I love meeting new people, as I've met quite a few people from church on FB (LOL)...and it has certainly opened doors! I've also made some life long friends on xanga, and we have a WONDERFUL support circle full of EDUCATED folks who are doin somethin with their lives! Though we are miles apart, I am closer to some of them than I am to people right here in my city...sad that I have to look to the internet for a support system, but on the other hand, it means more trips for me, more people for me to meet and see and kick it with! Thank GOD I found some friends outside of this city cause Lord help me, we're not very supportive of each other here. Cleveland seems to be a dream killer. I won't talk about that though. Not today. lol.

On the downside of social networking, a word of advice: PLEASE watch WHO you blast, and what you say! I know its "YOUR" space or "YOUR" profile, but you don't know who people know! It's not even about the drama or gossip, but suppose I know your boss. Or suppose I know of someone who is hiring and you need a job. If I see that skillwise, you would be a good fit, but personality wise, you are ALWAYS doggin somebody on your status or twitter or whatever, then I'm not going to tell you about that opportunity! Call me mean or wrong for that, but who wants to work with a coworker who is always negative, always talkin about somebody else? Sure, we all have our moments of venting, but if you are always like that or always talkin about haters, being immature? Me referring you to a job makes ME look bad...so I'm not going to do that! It's why I would NEVER announce on FB or any other social networking site about a job position that I know about...because MY integrity is on the line. Leave social networking for those purposes-being social and NETWORKING! If someone wants to start drama, please don't join them! Don't bad mouth others...the social networking scene is ALOT smaller than you think. Ever heard of six degrees of separation?

Alright that's enough for today. I'm out!

What Really Matters

it is SO easy to become envious of someone else's life. Reality shows are good for that!

Watching Daddy's Girls sometimes makes me want my own business. I don't even desire to be famous, just sometimes want the fabulous clothes or the perks that come along with making money like that.

But then I think about all the time I wasted wanting other people's lives. I don't even know what they deal with or how they got there. And even if I do, that doesn't mean it's for me!

Sometimes I get so caught up in wanting something that isnt meant for me that I forget what REALLY matters to me, and I forget how AWESOME I really am.

My father thinks I should start my own business, and maybe eventually I will. But honestly? I don't have ANY desire to do something for money...for the independence? yes. I can see myself doing PROJECTS, and things like that...but I can't think of anything that I'd want to start a business in, and CERTAINLY not by myself. I like being part of a team, and feeling like I'm making a difference.

I was sitting in church and really, just thinking all week about all that GOD has placed in me-and there's no reason why I should be IDLE! There's no reason to really be envious or want what someone else because I'm SO talented in my OWN RIGHT! God has blessed me with some gifts that I DEFINITELY have allowed to sit and collect dust...not cool! I'm sitting here wishing for what others have when I haven't even used what I have...crazy!

I know what TRULY matters to me, and that's making a difference. I'm looking at what i think my life could look like in 10 years, and it would maybe surprise some ppl. But oh well. I know what really matters.

It's NOT ENOUGH

I realize that "just good enough" is NOT ENOUGH.

for YEARS now, I've been doing JUST enough to get by. And unfortunately JUST ENOUGH TO GET BY for me is what some people work HARD for-a decent GPA, a decent check-just DECENT stuff. I don't even have to try hard to get Bs, or other things that ppl half kill themselves for.

But I'm ashamed of that. I'm ashamed that I don't push harder. I'm ashamed that I don't give things my ALL. The things that I SHOULD give my all, I give JUST ENOUGH. I give God JUST enough of my time (or not enough at all), JUST enough in my offerings & tithe, JUST ENOUGH in my studies. But it's NOT enough.

God has given me SO much in talents and gifts and abilities. And what have I done? I've been wasteful. I've been hoarding it. Waiting for the right time.

I've had to wake myself up and say NOW is the RIGHT TIME! I've had to tell myself "Dei, STOP waiting for the RIGHT TIME. You have SOOOOO much within you, more than you even REALIZE. But you choose to be SELFISH."

What my pastor says is right, everything in life is a CHOICE. You CHOOSE to do right. You CHOOSE to pray (or not to pray), you CHOOSE to get on FB FIRST in the morning or after work instead of seeking HIM first! You have priorities ALL mixed up, for WHAT?
Are any of these things honestly helping you get to where you want to go?

Yes some of these things are GREAT tools for witnessing, for networking, for making friends, etc. But are we really pursuing the RIGHT THINGS?

My pastor is teaching on discipline and I used all kinds of excuses not to get disciplined-the main one? I'm not good at discipline.

Then I had to stop myself? Wait, Dei, are you serious??? Is that the BEST reason you have?

Nobody is GOOD at discipline. They have to WORK at it. You're just LAZY. Point blank period.

It's why I cannot write the book I've been trying to write for YEARS. It's why I cannot do the things I've wanted to do...because I'm lazy. Because I QUIT when it got hard. Because I expected it to be like the things I did growing up, where I didn't have to try hard because things came natural. I've actually been living BELOW my means for quite some time now but since I was content to be averagely above average (I know thats not a word lol), it's GOOD ENOUGH for me. Well guess what? it's NOT ENOUGH.

There's SOOOO much that GOD wants to pull out of me. I keep fighting it, keep resisting it. Keep making all kinds of excuses. But until I CHOOSE to become DISCIPLINED, I will continue to go around in circles, looking for satisfaction in all the WRONG places.

I'm posting this because I know some of my close friends will keep me ACCOUNTABLE when I want to QUIT. When I want to do "just enough" they will push me to keep going, to be BETTER.

God has placed too much in me to be SELFISH, be LAZY and say "okay that's enough." No, it's NOT ENOUGH, and I certainly don't decide that-GOD does. I dont hear Him say that too often when it comes to an individual's effort. Everytime I've seen people put out a certain amount of effort, He gives them MORE and therefore requires MORE.

Well, staying in one place is NOT an OPTION. I know some of you keep thinking that "if I don't do anything, God will not give me more, so I'll be off the hook." WRONG!
God will not only stop giving, but take away and give to someone who is doing something with what He has given them. Not only will you end up missing out, but the WORLD misses out. The world only gets one YOU. God has graced YOU to do something the way NOBODY ELSE CAN! So even if he takes from you to give someone else, YOU JUST LOST, and so did the WORLD. How selfish?

We have NO MORE EXCUSES not to push harder. If we push past the lazy feelings and selfishness, go BEYOND ourselves, God will make carry us the rest of the way! God is bigger than our problems, our situations, and He has GREAT things in store for us, but we gotta realize that our "just enough to get by" is NOT ENOUGH. He has greater FOR us, so He requires greater FROM us!

Stop Being GREEDY!!!

Listen, I know there are some things that look "better." Some things you "wish" you had. But STOP BEING GREEDY!

Many people I know are miserable or will be miserable because they always see/find something that looks "better" than what they currently have.

What if it's not meant for you to have that?
Christians will often say that God has given us "dominion" over the earth, and that we are the "head and not the tail, above and not beneath."

Okay, but God didn't mean that we would all be driving Benzes, BMWs, and living in big houses, and being in charge at our jobs.

Maybe you see a man or a woman that you think is "perfect" but what if that's not your mate?

LEARN TO BE CONTENT!

I can look back at the mistakes I've made-I've made myself miserable and unhappy desiring after things that either God said "not yet" or "not for you." I would complain (and this is recently too!) "GOD WHY??" and "WHEN?"...never mind the fact that God has me RIGHT where He wants me!

Okay so let's get off the preachy path...how about you can literally make yourself SICK by stressing/chasing after something that was NEVER yours to begin with!

It really BUGS me to see people tryna "switch" lanes because someone else's lane looks better. I know I've written a blog like this before, on facebook...but this continues to bug me...

STOP BEING GREEDY! Stop trying to fit a SQUARE PEG into a ROUND HOLE. Be yourself. Being an authentic you is better than being an imitation of someone else.

I know we all say "if only I had more of this" or "I want that". It's great to have plans and goals...but what if it's not meant for us? Not saying you shouldn't plan...but plan for your plans to be totally scrapped, because that is just the way life goes sometimes.

Learn to take the good with the bad. Learn to smile, learn to be content, to laugh, to ENJOY life! The sooner you learn this, the better off you'll be!