I'm learning that consistency is necessary to our lives...how can we expect to be successful if we have a lack of consistency?
Nothing comes overnight...it happens over time. How can you expect to get good graces when you don't consistently study? (yes, I'm preaching to myself on this one!)
As you can tell, writing is my first true love! whether it's writing poetry, blogs, in my journal, short stories, whatever...writing is what I do! I love words! Give me a good book and it gives me life! My pastor is SO gifted at putting things in the right manner and making complicated things sound so simple all because of his WORDS...so yes I love praise and worship and good music with powerful lyrics but give me good MEANINGFUL sermons any day!
Anyway...so like I said, writing is what I do...and people who know me know that I should have put out a book a LONG time ago...but what stopped me? Two things...fear and lack of consistency/effort.
I wanted to turn out a best selling book writing only every now and then. I gave up numerous times,saying that I wasn't cut out for this.
Right now, I'm in the midst of writing and this time I have a tag team partner who's also writing as well...we're pushing each other to be consistent!
This will be a short entry because I just wanted to get this out and to encourage someone else...have you given up on a dream of yours? And I mean the dreams you're afraid to admit to everyone else...not the "practical" plans that you've told the world that you were doing.
Don't give up! Dont let those dreams be those things you carry with you to the grave. You have TOO much to offer the world, you know what God has gifted you with! I'm encouraging everyone to follow through...you will find that those times you feel as if you cannot, God can and will. Learn to follow through...because when you cannot see how it's going to end, God often shows up in these periods of uncertainty and pulls off the impossible.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Rambling from a weary graduating senior
I wish I could put into words everything that is running thru my mind right now. I know that sounds crazy, but it's how I feel! if this blog is all over the place, it's only a reflection of my current state of mind. However, don't be alarmed...God's got me.
So our pastor wants us to be involved in at least one ministry at church. The one ministry I had been wanting to do since August (dance ministry), that door has been shut for now. I don't know how to feel about it. I like to dance. I don't have the resources (time/money) to do dance ministry.
School is going. I have a pretty low grade in a class that is not required for my major but certainly counts towards my elective credits for my degree. I'm 3 weeks away from the end of the semester, and that brings me so much joy! Upon receipt of getting my grades, I'm organizing a pre-graduation celebration! lol. I'm so serious! This was my hard semester...all I'll have to do next semester is maintain!
My ministry internship I just accepted, I had no idea where to start. I'm not as active as I would like to be on campus, and I don't have alot of friends who just want to up and start a campus ministry with me. I'm praying God sends some people my way. I have a vision of what I would like to see on campus in a ministry, but I don't know how to carry it out.
I've had some opportunities presented to me that I never even thought would come about. Some exciting ones at that! We'll see what becomes of them...
ASB isn't happening like it used to in 2010. It was a good three year run for me, but I'll actually be in town for my 24th bday, haven't been in town for my bday since I turned 20. I'm a little sad but three years doing ASB was a blessing.
My money is real funny right now. No really. I'm overdrawn and I can't do much about it. Had to reschedule my drivers test, that is postponed til December 5th...for now...
There's so much that is going on in my life that is out of my control. I can't do anything, my hands are tied, all I can do is trust God. I mean what else can you do when everything seems to be spiraling out of control but not really?
When I say that, I mean there's just so much going on in life that I can't do a thing about! I choose not to stress over it, because it's not all bad. I'm really truly blessed in all actuality. Beyond the one class I'm not doing good in, school is fine actually. Me and my babe are best friends, like two peas in a pod, and doing really good!
What a difference a year makes in so many ways...this time last year I HAD to be out doing something all the time. I HAD to be out, I HATED being at home by myself. But funny...this year? Complete opposite. The more comfortable you are with the skin you're in, the more you dont mind spending time with your #1 star player...yourself...
The closer I get to graduation, the more I can't see myself doing anything but going to seminary. I'm very much at peace with that right now...we'll see how I feel once I actually put that application in the mail. LOL. but no really...I can't see myself anywhere else. Is that scary? Sometimes. But I'm appreciative of the church I belong to...my pastor really instills the importance of education, and his passion for teaching sound doctrine and reaching the lost thru non-traditional ministry has influenced me greatly, made me realize I want to do the same! Thats a big deal, considering that before I came to this church, I wanted NOTHING to do with ministry...so yes, thats a testimony!
There's just alot going on in my life but honestly? Beyond wondering what the heck is going on, I'm actually in a great mood, I'm HAPPY. I think sometimes it's good not to know all the answers. It requires me to trust in God a little more and rely on myself a LOT less.
God is So good, and I thank God for the sunshine thru the clouds in my life. I'm not always productive, and I've made some mistakes but I know that God wastes NOTHING. He's the only one that can turn my giant jumble I call life into something amazingly beautiful...it'll most certainly be my testimony...
So I'm doing what God is leading me to do for now...finish school out strong, do the best that I can (and leave the rest to Him)...getting ready to apply to seminary...and the rest? Yeah, God will lead me on what to do with everything else. He is faithful and can do anything but fail. Sorry if some of this is repetitive, I wrote this post in stages! lol.
So our pastor wants us to be involved in at least one ministry at church. The one ministry I had been wanting to do since August (dance ministry), that door has been shut for now. I don't know how to feel about it. I like to dance. I don't have the resources (time/money) to do dance ministry.
School is going. I have a pretty low grade in a class that is not required for my major but certainly counts towards my elective credits for my degree. I'm 3 weeks away from the end of the semester, and that brings me so much joy! Upon receipt of getting my grades, I'm organizing a pre-graduation celebration! lol. I'm so serious! This was my hard semester...all I'll have to do next semester is maintain!
My ministry internship I just accepted, I had no idea where to start. I'm not as active as I would like to be on campus, and I don't have alot of friends who just want to up and start a campus ministry with me. I'm praying God sends some people my way. I have a vision of what I would like to see on campus in a ministry, but I don't know how to carry it out.
I've had some opportunities presented to me that I never even thought would come about. Some exciting ones at that! We'll see what becomes of them...
ASB isn't happening like it used to in 2010. It was a good three year run for me, but I'll actually be in town for my 24th bday, haven't been in town for my bday since I turned 20. I'm a little sad but three years doing ASB was a blessing.
My money is real funny right now. No really. I'm overdrawn and I can't do much about it. Had to reschedule my drivers test, that is postponed til December 5th...for now...
There's so much that is going on in my life that is out of my control. I can't do anything, my hands are tied, all I can do is trust God. I mean what else can you do when everything seems to be spiraling out of control but not really?
When I say that, I mean there's just so much going on in life that I can't do a thing about! I choose not to stress over it, because it's not all bad. I'm really truly blessed in all actuality. Beyond the one class I'm not doing good in, school is fine actually. Me and my babe are best friends, like two peas in a pod, and doing really good!
What a difference a year makes in so many ways...this time last year I HAD to be out doing something all the time. I HAD to be out, I HATED being at home by myself. But funny...this year? Complete opposite. The more comfortable you are with the skin you're in, the more you dont mind spending time with your #1 star player...yourself...
The closer I get to graduation, the more I can't see myself doing anything but going to seminary. I'm very much at peace with that right now...we'll see how I feel once I actually put that application in the mail. LOL. but no really...I can't see myself anywhere else. Is that scary? Sometimes. But I'm appreciative of the church I belong to...my pastor really instills the importance of education, and his passion for teaching sound doctrine and reaching the lost thru non-traditional ministry has influenced me greatly, made me realize I want to do the same! Thats a big deal, considering that before I came to this church, I wanted NOTHING to do with ministry...so yes, thats a testimony!
There's just alot going on in my life but honestly? Beyond wondering what the heck is going on, I'm actually in a great mood, I'm HAPPY. I think sometimes it's good not to know all the answers. It requires me to trust in God a little more and rely on myself a LOT less.
God is So good, and I thank God for the sunshine thru the clouds in my life. I'm not always productive, and I've made some mistakes but I know that God wastes NOTHING. He's the only one that can turn my giant jumble I call life into something amazingly beautiful...it'll most certainly be my testimony...
So I'm doing what God is leading me to do for now...finish school out strong, do the best that I can (and leave the rest to Him)...getting ready to apply to seminary...and the rest? Yeah, God will lead me on what to do with everything else. He is faithful and can do anything but fail. Sorry if some of this is repetitive, I wrote this post in stages! lol.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Grace=Freedom=A Changed Life
I don't think I've EVER felt this free in my life...EVER. And I'm just in awe of God for that!
2009 has just been...wow...a year of EXTREME growth and changes in my life...and I'm thankful.
2009, well you can say it's been two things.
2009=A Year of Grace
2009=Continued Learning and Growth.
But moreso the first one.
I've made ALOT of mistakes this year. Listened to people I shouldn't have listened to. Fell into some things that I should have avoided altogether. Relied on my own strength and talents.
But then a funny thing happened.
Instead of picking myself up? I stayed down.
When you feel distant from God, who moved? God didn't!
Christianity had [at times] become a list of dos and don'ts. A list of laws basically. And honestly? This year I kind of became sick of being a Christian. I became sick of even being associated with them at times. Why?
Because at times, Christians think too highly of themselves. Some are so "holier than thou" that it makes the rest of us nervous like we can never live up to that.
I was no longer serving the Lord with Gladness. Instead I was dreading it, because I felt like being a Christian was too hard, like it was a bunch of rules and standards I could never attain or live up to.
The seminary visit had a profound effect on my life. My life is changed, seriously. Not just because of it, but I don't look at things the same. Right before my visit, I was stressing out about alot of things. I didn't know where or what I wanted to do after graduation, and i was just a mess in alot of ways.
I totally trusted God in visiting the seminary. I wasn't going to visit, actually...but a gentle nudge from the Holy Spirit (after I REFUSED to go, claiming it didn't make sense to visit a seminary I'd never heard of in VA of all states lol) had me booking a flight to Richmond...and wow, I learned so much about myself, about God, about others...I came home with a different outlook. I absolutely fell in love with that place and will consider myself extremely blessed if I get to attend next year!
But enough of that...I've been learning about the concept of grace. It has radically changed my life in ways I cannot explain. Grace came and changed me, and in turn, I'm much more gracious towards other. When you are aware of God's grace towards you, it makes you that much more gracious towards others. Then people are often the most authentic around you when they know grace is involved.
God's grace towards me has also tied in with the realized FREEDOM in my life. Where the spirit of the Lord is, indeed, there is liberty. (2 Cor 3:17)
I'd grown up in a rather legalistic way of looking at Christianity, that God will bless you if you keep His commandments. So I spent so much time obsessing over every little thing, wondering if my sin was the reason why I didn't have a car or everything I needed. Suddenly, I didn't see any benefit to being a Christian. I was really almost in a faith crisis, questioning so many things and just becoming cynical about things! God's grace came and rescued me on that visit. Not a sermon or a prayer. But coming in contact with some people who loved Christ that weren't legalistic set me free.
(btw, my church was and is still awesome, they were not to blame AT ALL!)
I have found that the call to ministry that God placed on my life was not restricting, but rather liberating. I felt that I could be me and be called to ministry. I didn't feel as if I had to completely change myself to be a "good" Christian or to answer the call on my life.
Instead, santification is a process. It's not something that happens instantly. It's not the result of anything that WE do. If it was, we wouldn't need saving, now would we? I am determined to walk in confidence, with my head held high, and instead of DOING, I'm learning to just BE. Grace allows me room to do that. And in that, I am FREE.
2009 has just been...wow...a year of EXTREME growth and changes in my life...and I'm thankful.
2009, well you can say it's been two things.
2009=A Year of Grace
2009=Continued Learning and Growth.
But moreso the first one.
I've made ALOT of mistakes this year. Listened to people I shouldn't have listened to. Fell into some things that I should have avoided altogether. Relied on my own strength and talents.
But then a funny thing happened.
Instead of picking myself up? I stayed down.
When you feel distant from God, who moved? God didn't!
Christianity had [at times] become a list of dos and don'ts. A list of laws basically. And honestly? This year I kind of became sick of being a Christian. I became sick of even being associated with them at times. Why?
Because at times, Christians think too highly of themselves. Some are so "holier than thou" that it makes the rest of us nervous like we can never live up to that.
I was no longer serving the Lord with Gladness. Instead I was dreading it, because I felt like being a Christian was too hard, like it was a bunch of rules and standards I could never attain or live up to.
The seminary visit had a profound effect on my life. My life is changed, seriously. Not just because of it, but I don't look at things the same. Right before my visit, I was stressing out about alot of things. I didn't know where or what I wanted to do after graduation, and i was just a mess in alot of ways.
I totally trusted God in visiting the seminary. I wasn't going to visit, actually...but a gentle nudge from the Holy Spirit (after I REFUSED to go, claiming it didn't make sense to visit a seminary I'd never heard of in VA of all states lol) had me booking a flight to Richmond...and wow, I learned so much about myself, about God, about others...I came home with a different outlook. I absolutely fell in love with that place and will consider myself extremely blessed if I get to attend next year!
But enough of that...I've been learning about the concept of grace. It has radically changed my life in ways I cannot explain. Grace came and changed me, and in turn, I'm much more gracious towards other. When you are aware of God's grace towards you, it makes you that much more gracious towards others. Then people are often the most authentic around you when they know grace is involved.
God's grace towards me has also tied in with the realized FREEDOM in my life. Where the spirit of the Lord is, indeed, there is liberty. (2 Cor 3:17)
I'd grown up in a rather legalistic way of looking at Christianity, that God will bless you if you keep His commandments. So I spent so much time obsessing over every little thing, wondering if my sin was the reason why I didn't have a car or everything I needed. Suddenly, I didn't see any benefit to being a Christian. I was really almost in a faith crisis, questioning so many things and just becoming cynical about things! God's grace came and rescued me on that visit. Not a sermon or a prayer. But coming in contact with some people who loved Christ that weren't legalistic set me free.
(btw, my church was and is still awesome, they were not to blame AT ALL!)
I have found that the call to ministry that God placed on my life was not restricting, but rather liberating. I felt that I could be me and be called to ministry. I didn't feel as if I had to completely change myself to be a "good" Christian or to answer the call on my life.
Instead, santification is a process. It's not something that happens instantly. It's not the result of anything that WE do. If it was, we wouldn't need saving, now would we? I am determined to walk in confidence, with my head held high, and instead of DOING, I'm learning to just BE. Grace allows me room to do that. And in that, I am FREE.
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